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FUNNY MONEY!

A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said “Why did you put up such a fight?” To which the man promptly replied “I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!”

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said: Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.

A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, “If it weren’t for my money, we wouldn’t be here at all!” The wife replied, “My dear, if it weren’t for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn’t on a honeymoon, nor would there be any “we” in the first place.”

What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire? A very witch person.

Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire? Sure. Here you are. Thanks – but half the pages are missing. What’s the matter? Isn’t half a million enough for you?

Why is money called dough? Because we all knead it.

Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open? She d read there was going to be some change in the weather.

Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. “You should give that money to charity,” said the sales girl. Fred thought for a moment and said, “No, I’ll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity

What happened when the cat swallowed a coin? There was money in the kitty.

How can a can you double your money? By folding it in half.

Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. “I m not paying,” said the duck. “I’ve only got one bill and I m not breaking it.” “I’ve spent my last buck,” said the deer. “Then the duck will have to pay,” said the skunk. “Getting here cost me my last scent.”

Dad, would you like to save some money? I certainly would, son. Any suggestions? Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won’t wear my shoes out so fast.

I hate paying my income tax. You should be a good citizen – why don’t you pay with a smile? I d like to but they insist on money

The best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from.

Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money. I shall be everlastingly in your debt. Harry: That’s what I m afraid of!

Who dropped a wad of notes with an elastic band round them? I did! Well, here’s the elastic band.

A doctor had been attending a rich old man for some time, but it became apparent that the old chap had not long to live. Accordingly, the doctor advised his wealthy patient to put his affairs in order. “Oh yes, I’ve done that,” said the old gentleman. “I’ve only got to make a will. And do you know what I m going to do with all my money? I m going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life.”

Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy? No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills.

At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars. One of the chamber members stood up and said, “I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army.”

Elmore walked into his favorite truck stop cafe and said to the owner, “Hey, Roy, you wanna take a chance on a raffle?” “Whada ya win?” “A million dollars!” said the redneck. “You get a dollar a year for a million years.” “How much are they each?” “Ten cents. Two for a quarter. Or three for half a dollar!”

A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. “Oh no I don t, I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.” I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, “Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express.”

Three boys were walking along the beach one day when they see a cave. The first boy goes in and is looking at a banknote on a big rock when a ghostly voice calls out I am the ghost of Auntie Abel and this five dollars stays on the table! The second boy goes in and is reaching for the money when the same thing happens again. The third boy goes in ,sees the five dollars and cries out, I am the ghost of David Crockett and this five dollars goes in my pocket!

An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they d do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper. Alec ! yelled the teacher, you’ve done nothing. Why? Because if I had a million dollars, that’s exactly what I would do !

Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why. I’ve lost five cents, sobbed Johnny. Don’t worry, said his dad kindly. Here’s five more for you, At this Johnny howled louder than ever. Now what is it ?

William: May I have some money for the man crying outside ? Mum: What crying man ? William: The one that’s crying, Ice cream! Ice Cream !

Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. You should give that money to charity, said the shopkeeper. No, I ll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity!

Ted said to his friend, can you lend me $10? But I only have $8, his friend replied. That’s OK, you can always owe me the other $2!

If you found a five dollar bill in every pocket of your coat, what would you have? Someone else’s coat.

A little monster was learning to play the violin, I m good, aren’t I? he asked his big brother. You should be on the radio, said his brother. You think I m that good? No, I think you.

Why did your sister feed money to her cow? Because she wanted to get rich milk.

My sister fell in love at second sight. When she first met him she didn’t know how rich he was.